


A Terribly Over Exaggerated Disaster

by Too_Rad_To_Be_Sad



Series: A Terribly Over Exaggerated Disaster [1]
Category: A Terribly Over Exaggerated Disaster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-21
Updated: 2014-09-21
Packaged: 2018-02-18 07:48:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2340662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Too_Rad_To_Be_Sad/pseuds/Too_Rad_To_Be_Sad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Within which a pair share an unbreakable bond and major parts of Great Britain are destroyed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Terribly Over Exaggerated Disaster

Chapter one: A Very Inconvenient Discovery

One rather wonderful day Terry was sitting on the edge of his bed contemplating the day ahead. Terry was a very average man, he had an average job, earned an average salary, had an average house in an average village and looked pretty average as well. He decided to raise from his uncomfortable sitting position and make his way along the landing and down to the kitchen. From his cupboard he pulled an average bowl and into it poured some pretty average corn flakes.  
After munching his way through them at an alarmingly non-average rate he found himself with a few spare minutes with which he could do whatever he pleased.  
This however confused Terry, never in his life had he had spare time! 'There must be something I've forgotten,' he thought. But there wasn't, he had done everything he needed to do so far today. This left him in a dilemma that swallowed at least 5 minutes of this spare time. He then went round the house and straightened every picture. Then looking out the window he spied his best friend in the entire world, Derrick.  
Derrick, quite unlike Terry, was an above average man. He had an above average job, earned an above average salary, had an above average house and looked quite unlike your average man. There was however one thing that was rather average, this sometimes annoyed Derrick. He lived in an average village, this was a thing that made him unhappy.  
But what did make him happy was his best friend in all the world, Terry. Him and Terry shared a special bond, one put in place by the very long piece of elastic attaching them together. This was of course a problem, they both lived in different houses and had different jobs, neither would generally be found doing the same activity, except for on shopping day during which they are practically glued together at the waste (they actually do that on purpose so they can't lose each other in the large expanse of DebeNext or Half&Q). They had once tried to sever this inconvenient bond, it was however fruitless.   
I shall now take you back in time, to a time when they were still connected by the elastic but they wanted to do something about it.

Chapter 2:The Plot Thickens Into a Slightly Sticky Liquid With The Consistency of Overly Runny Golden Syrup. 

Terry and Derrick sat side by side on the bench. It was a rather orange bench, this had the negative effect of making Terry very hungry. So as his friend fell asleep he walked over to the burger van and ordered a very large burger, but not so large that it was above average. He had either forgotten about the elastic bond between him and Derrick or he had just chose to ignore it, either way it was a bad decision as he then felt a slight tug in his side and heard a rather shocked scream. He whirled round relatively fast to just see a woman of about 32 years of age being flung onto the railway track. This was not intended to happen and Terry felt rather bad. He went to look over the edge, but knowing that he was not to cross the yellow lines on the platform's edge he could not see her or save her. She met a rather untimely demise. Terry went back to join Derrick who was starting to wake up. He then ate his burger in a fashion not dissimilar to that of a camel.  
After a long conversation between them they decided they should try and break the elastic. This propelled them forth in their quest for separation!   
After vigorously (but not TO vigorously) searching the internet for someone specialising in separating people joined with elastic and finding no results they collectively decided the best course of action would be to go to a very tall volcano as 'das where da wizards live init'.  
Luckly there was a large volcano not so far away! Only about 200 miles away. This would be fine if one of them owned a car, but they didn't so that was pretty stupid.  
They packed their bags for the long trip ahead of them and, completely ignoring the train station, they headed off in the vague direction of the volcano.

Chapter 3:The Plot is Now So Thick a Very Large Elephant Could Probably Walk Across it Quite Easily and With Minimal Sinkage Occurring. 

As they wandered through field after field they began to become tired, and after being attacked by a very large bear they setup camp inside the bears cave. After unpacking their tents and augers they sat down on the cold hard floor to discuss the events ahead of them. They then formulated a number of plans, each increasing in stupidity. They got up, set their camp on fire and promptly moved on, they trecked towards the volcano and ended up tripping over a rock and landing in a 30 meter deep cravas full of spiders and snakes. Neither were incredibly scared of spiders. But they were both so incredibly scared of snakes that they just shat them selves right where they stood. Rather horrid yes, but more horrid for them as they then had to run away even with their bad circumstances. As they ran they screamed their heads off. Not some childish blood curdling scream, oh no, this was the type of scream that would be created when you were being chased by giant versions of your worst fear through the place you hate most all the while being forced to eat mushrooms. The scream shattered rock for miles around, caused houses to crumble and half of yorkshire fell into the sea causing france to explode which then sent an earth quake to Germany which promptly flattened German's mountains and made it completely lame. They continued to run and then this giant snake appeared in front of them and they screamed a bit more and the snake took off it's top hat and produced a giant rabbit from the top hat which then took off its fur and placed it in a washing machine and then hopped off. They then continued to run frantically forth through the crevasse to try and find an exit. They couldn't find an exit so they scaled the rock wall which was pretty easy as quite a bit of it had collapsed previously. After climbing out they stopped for fish and chips.

Chapter 4:After destroying France and eating their fish and chips they continue forth on their quest which causes the plot to thicken so much it's like sticking your foot in a blender full of concrete that then sets.

The fish and chips, although very tasty, were actually poisoned with a hallucinogenic drug. So they tried to continue forth while tripping so much balls. This did somewhat altar the path of their trip as round almost every corner their would be a large spider or flying unicorn which scared the hell out of them both. At one point they started sinking into the ground as they thought it was very gooey cheese, this caused them both to brake down crying and ended up just laying in the middle of a field. Lucky for them the drugs effect wore off after a "short" amount of time (short being 3 hours) and they continued on. As they were walking through a densely populated patch of stinging nettles Terry was stung on the lower left calf. This led to him flailing round like a man on fire, Derrick then proceeded to say a funny nettle related pun, "That must be unnettling!" Terry then looked over to Derrick with a look of both betrayal and anguish. Terry then promptly

Chapter 5:In which the amazing cliff hanger from the last chapter is resolved in a massive ball of non-burning flame which, although completely unbelievable, was quite an amazing thing to see.

Exploded. Very messy, in fact so messy that a nearby wilderbeast sneezed. This is a very rare event and contrary to popular belief wilderbeast do not actually explode when they sneeze, they instead give out a small comical "achew" which will generally make other wilderbeast sneeze causing a chain reaction ending in the reproduction of jingle bells via sneezing. Derrick looked on with mild horror. His best friend had just exploded in a bloody mess right in front of him all he could express was a feeling of mild horror. How terribly appalling, a terrible friend if ever anyone could have had one.  
Terry's legs then stood up and waddled over to his body, he then attached his body to his legs and then attached his arms to his body until finally putting his head back on. Terry was back again, risen from the dead. Derrick's face was now a mixture of horror, surprise, holy crap my friend's alive and well I'll be damned that was unexpected. To Terrys surprise, when Derrick spoke his accent had changed, he now had the most proper British accent in all the lands. Terry looked at Derrick. Derrick looked at Terry.  
This started a staring contest.  
A very gripping one, so gripping in fact that Terry had to steady himself by holding on to one of the wilderbeast.  
This annoyed the wilderbeast and it ate Terry.  
Terry then became very small and climbed down the wilderbeasts throat, how very slimey it was. Terry got slime all down his new top which was already rather dirty, he then climbed through the wilderbeast and tried to find an exit.  
Unfortunately wilderbeast do not have the large glowing exit signs that are normally found so it was rather hard for him to find his way out. 

Chapter 6:The plot is now so incredibly thick that if you got a 200 tonne elephant to stand on it you would only hear a slight squelch. That squelch would be so tiny that you would have to have a massive ear trumpet in order to hear it. 

Terry looked in all the nooks and cranys but could not find an exit that would be reasonable. So he decided to just wait a while and see if he would return to average size.  
After half an hour Terry decided to go and have another look around. As he looked he felt himself growing slightly, he was getting bigger! This was fantastic for him. But for the wilderbeast this may not have been the most pleasant experience. In fact it wasn't pleasant at all due to the fact that the wilderbeast ended up splattered across the field in many pieces. Terry stood in the centre of the blast, covered from head to toe in slime, and blood soaked entrails. He looked a right mess.  
Derrick stood wide eyed marvelling at the stunning job his friend had made of that escape. He wondered if he would ever manage to do something so remarkable in his life. Just as he thought that, he heard a 'meow' sound emanating from a nearby tree. He immediately concluded that there was a cat stuck in a tree and it was drowning and that he should save it as soon as possible. He ran swiftly over to the tree leaving Terry to enjoy his achievements. 

Chapter 7:Within which Derrick saves the cat from drowning in the tree and a number of the universe's problems are solved including, "where does my ice cream go?," "What ever happened to my Christmas decorations," and "If I pee on this electric fence, will I die?"

The tree seemed to be rather a long way away which annoyed Derrick due to the fact he was rather lazy and running was not his strong point. He did however force himself into a light jog which got him there quite a bit faster than if he had snail crawled there. As he looked up into the tree he noticed that his hypothesis had been correct. The cat was drowning while in a tree! It was in a rather large aquarium at the top of a 25.78m tree. Derrick reached into his back pocket and pulled out his ladder, only to discover it was made of ginger bread. So he started to climb the tree, a branch at a time. Every few branches one would snap off and break causing him to swear loudly and question why he was doing this.   
When he got to the top he realised the biggest problem of them all. Was he adopted?  
Was this all real?  
Was he living a lie?  
What really makes the inside of a cream egg?  
Do Ostriches play chess?  
His brain was flooded with these questions, he sat in the tree pondering these questions for quite a while until he once again heard the cat meowing above him. He then quickly set off to save the cat and woo the princess. 

Chapter 8: Where in a volcanic eruption occurs and many hotdogs are used to save the east end of sussex from impending doom.

As Derrick went to save the cat he heard an almighty cry from Terry, something about volcanoes and eruptions maybe. He turned to face where he thought Terry was and saw him flailing his arms like an idiot and pointing towards a massive volcano which had smoke billowing out of the top. He then remembered why they had come all this way, they were meant to be severing this bond between them. But they had become rather side tracked and spying a massive pile of hotdogs at the entrance to a cave they quickly forgot about the task and ran towards the delicious looking objects. As they were gorging themselves on all these hotdogs Terry had an idea. He explained to Derrick how they would block up the volcano with the hotdogs and stop it from destroying Sussex. Derrick thought it was a terrible idea and tried to leave.


End file.
